i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I pour the whiskey from now on
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize