I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think I just sharted jello shots
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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