Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
