oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
