i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
