Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
