omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
