I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
