I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
