I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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