I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
