1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
