She's JV to your varsity
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
