I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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