just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I would fuck him just for his dog
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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