Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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