i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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