Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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