You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
