you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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