There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
