I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
