I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize