It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
