How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We left an ass print on the piano.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
