If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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