She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
