it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize