i will never coherently bang her
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
