if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
