Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just invented taco cereal.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
