In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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