I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
