If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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