New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
