You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
