quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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