Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
