i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize