I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
