i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
