I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
