I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
