i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
