I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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