Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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