So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
