I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
