i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
