too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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