The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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