Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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