Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
