I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
