apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
