Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
