I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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