Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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