when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
