On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
