i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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