i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize