This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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