3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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