I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
