There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
