we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
