This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize