hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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