is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
